Humbly submitted by Rebbe Tsedreyt
Notes of Caution:
Abstain from reading the following tractate until the first readily identifiable female voice wells up during our sacred Purim Spiel.
In the event you are absent from the performance of our spiel or you lack the ability to discipline your curious, jaded intellect, reading may commence immediately if recordings of your favorite female vocalist are being broadcast at a high volume and a large glass of your favorite plum wine has already been consumed with a refill readily at hand.
The first conundrum is sticks verses fork
Then with your veggies; scallops or pork?
Shrimp or rabbit, horse hoofs or frog
Birds’ nest soup or ants on a log!
Chinese food is exquisite cuisine
Until by your Rebbe you’re unexpectedly seen.
In Denver there’s no Chinese food that’s strict glatt
Rebbes are all smart, they’ll surely know that.
So you visit these dens of Chinese delight
With no fellow congregants hopefully in sight.
Or you invite them along to indulge in the sin
Of not drinking tea but a large Gordon’s Gin.
After thirty long years of our Purim spiels
What Jewish tradition fully reveals
Is that the more you learn of an observant life
The conflicts begin with the fork, spoon and knife.
What enters your mouth and is chewed with your jaw
Is complicated by the interpretation of law.
The nearest comparison in our modern day
Are the procedures found in the UCMJ.
What determines if acts are illegal or right
Depends upon whether it’s dawn or midnight.
The same it is true of Torah observance
Is there dissent or strict concurrence?
The Megillah of Esther is very complex
Yet each year we honor this ancient text.
It teaches of courage, of faith, of wit;
And how to live a life that is morally fit.
We try to glean meaning for our modern day
From a story of times in a land far away.
Each year we find lessons that say something new.
We affirm our identity and what it means to a Jew.
And the same thing occurs as we decide what we cook
For our choice may be guided by an ancient book.
Take time to read Torah and know when you do
Then your opinion will be of an informed, thoughtful Jew.